The Chemo Journal – Round 3 – June 29, 2011

July 7th, 2011
Ready for Round 3

Day One
Round 2 was actually pretty easy in hindsight so I had high hopes for this round. I have continued to work out regularly at the Y and taking long walks with Sunny, my little lap dog, so the word “long” has a different meaning for me and sunny than it does in real life!

Same drugs, different day.

Had a pretty active day. No headaches, nausea, pain or fatigue. Did a painting, went out for a small dinner at Trapeze, and wished a fond farewell to a friend, Nikki Boatwright, leaving town for Raleigh in a few days. Came home and napped from 8:00 – 10:30. Got up for a few hours and did a few things, then slept until 7:45a. More sleep than normal.

Day Two
Day two welcomed me with a friend bringing me doughnuts. I had a craving for lemon filled donuts and chocolate milk! Lucky to have a friend, Nikki, who was game to try to satisfy my cravings. Where was she during my two pregnancies!

The exhaustion and fatigue was hitting me pretty well by 9:00a. I slept until 10:45 – just enough time to get to NEGACC for the Neulasta shot. Had a small lunch at Panera then home for sleep. Slept for three hours. Can’t get enough. This is strange for me because I am not a big sleeper. Operate on 5-6 hours a night. Hope this shakes off after today. I got stuff to do!

Day Three
My god, it was worse than I could have ever imagined. I’ve been kept in the dark by the last two chemo rounds. I had no idea how bad it could be. The pain I was in when I woke up on Friday was paralleled only by the pain I had right after waking up from my mastectomy, only I wasn’t medicated. Thank goodness Dr. Gunn was available as always and took care of that right away. The pain subsided enough for me to drop by my friend, Mike Hamby’s, for his house warming party. It was nice to be surrounded by friends. I left after about an hour and went straight to bed. Slept for two hour blocks all night but I wasn’t in pain.

Day Four
Again, exhausted, and would be in tremendous pain if I wasn’t medicated. Managed to create a painting. That’s about all I got done yesterday. Did lots of sleeping, and snacking on things I shouldn’t just to keep the taste of pre-vomit out of my mouth. Getting very frustrated with the whole thing. My kids came home today and that was a great end to the day. I wish I had more energy to love on them. I managed to give them some kisses and let them cuddle with me. It’s all I could do.


Henna Head Tattoo by Kimberly from Mod Mehndi

Day FIve
Woke up very despondent again….I swear I should be feeling better by now. It angers me that I can’t beat this back. I know i’m stronger than this, but somehow i’m not. Still taking pain meeds just to get past that part of it. Slept until 11:30a this morning – that has never happened to me before. Had a nice surprise today – Kimberly from Mod Mehndi – a woman that does Henna tattoos called to let me know she would be able to come do my head tattoo today. I really love it. I’m hoping for an early bedtime and praying (even though i’m not a praying person) that I wake up feeling better tomorrow. I don’t know if my spirit can take this much longer. Where are all the jokes when I need them?!


Day Six
Fourth of July….have some friends coming over to celebrate. Had a decent amount of energy today. Managed to be a good host for a couple of hours. No headaches or pain, just a general sense of the blahs’.

Day Seven
I think the anemia is starting to set in. Had trouble getting out of bed to go downstairs and make breakfast for myself. Went back to bed, and had to let Buck get the kids ready for camp and out the door. Stayed in bed until 12 just in time to put on a hat and head out to a business meeting I had stupidly scheduled thinking by day seven I would feel fine. Decided to go by pharmacy and pick up a prescription. Huge mistake. Took twenty minutes to do what should have taken 5. Had to walk really slow and stop to breathe several times. Very short of breath and complete muscle fatigue in my legs. A friend came to give me a pep talk that really helped enough for me to get home and get in bed. Had a 90 minute massage at home from Urban Sanctuary staff. Helped enough for me to go downstairs and eat a small dinner. Then it was back up to bed. This is probably the worst case of anemia I have felt during the whole time. And it came on fast and strong. It was the only time I found myself crawling around on my hands and knees just to get to the bathroom a few times because my legs just wouldn’t cooperate. I did giggle at that a little – I mean how ridiculous. How can this be? Eh I suppose i’m not Wonder Woman like I thought I was.

Day Eight
It’s only just starting. My legs still feel kind of weak. I walked to the bathroom instead of crawled. That’s a good sign. I don’t have high hopes for a much better day because the general feeling of fatigue is still there. But I will try to psyche myself out into thinking i’m feeling better. My jedi mind tricks have never failed me before. And i’m feeling a need for a smoothie!

We built our house back in 2005. I wanted this to be the house our kids grew up in and brought their families to for holidays. Right now I hate being here. Even when I’m well it reminds me of being sick. I don’t even want to be in it, but there is nowhere else to be when you don’t feel great. Makes me want to cry sometimes. I loved this house until now.

This day started out decent but by about 11:00a my spirits took a complete dive. I was having deep depression issues and was having bad thoughts about things. I had taken a Lunesta the night before to sleep and I think I was suffering from some of its side effects – depression, aggression, suicidal thoughts. By about 6pm the effects seem to have worn off and I was feeling better.

Day Nine
I did not take Lunesta last night to say the least. I didn’t have any of the issues mentioned from Day 8. Still a little weak, slight headache, but much better mental state. Starting to lose the sour metallic taste in my mouth. Feel good enough to do a little light work on computer tonite – that is a positive sign. Being on the computer has repulsed me until today.

Day Ten
10th day is a charm for the second round in a row. I am giddy with relief that its all over. Headed to the beach in a few days. I’m out!

  1. Bailey sharp says:

    I love u aunt Stephanie I hope u feel better soon and I love love love ur tattoo I have one too love u bye (not on my head though on my foot)

  2. Kathryn Lookofsky says:

    Just wanted you to know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Let me know if you need anything.